touching tires
by David Erlewine

My brother creeps up on me at the stove when Mom and Dad are gone. He turns a burner on and runs around the house screaming fire, hit the floor. I turn it off and start counting again: off, off, off, warm, off, off. He stands outside the door while I pee. He speaks quietly so only I hear, says that if I flush before I finish peeing he'll end up choking to death that night under the dinner table before help comes. He says Mom and Dad don't know the Heimlich, I'm not strong enough. When I come out, he sees in my face that I flushed first. He falls to the floor and puts his hands around his throat and bugs his eyes. He trips me when I step over him to get to my room. He pins me as he dies.

One night, I stood outside my parents' door. She called my dad cruel. He told her it was under control. If push-ups and jumping jacks didn't get rid of it, rubber bands, sit-ups and wind sprints would. He got rid of it and the boy would too. Give it some thought, she said. They didn't have the money, he said, and no way was he using his work insurance. Since I told her about the tires three months ago, she winks at me before she and dad drive anywhere. It gives me time to sneak out to the garage and touch tires. If she forgets to give me enough warning, she tells dad she has to use the bathroom upstairs. He flips on the big-screen in the living room and I touch tires.

Before this afternoon, the only time I didn't was when she cut her hand slicing a bagel. The garage door woke me up. I caught them pulling out of the driveway. He screamed at me to get out of the way. I touched the right front tire, got a finger on the right rear one. Mr. Riley next door dropped me and my brother off at the hospital. I snuck out to the car and touched the left tires. This afternoon my brother saw mom wink at me. He dragged me into his room while she used the bathroom. He kept me there until they left.

Dad figured out what mom and I were up to, he said. He made Mom tell him everything. It's a matter of will power, my brother said. Howard Stern cured himself of it. He made me do sit-ups until I dry heaved. He put a rubber band around my wrist and said use it whenever I stand in front of the stove, reach for the handle before I finish pissing, think mom and dad's tire will explode if I don't touch it first, or for any of the other shit I think up. He said stretch it as far as it'll go without breaking and let go. Think of a tire right now exploding, he said.

Picture their car veering into a semi. I shook my head. He said do it and punched my arm. I did. He yanked it and let go. You guys pointed out the welt. Then he rubbed my hair and sighed. He said he was going for a jog, did I want to come? I knew I'd bawl if I made a sound or shook my head, so I just stood there. He sighed again and said to just trust Dad, okay? Go watch TV, he said, they'll be back from the mall in a few hours. Don't tell mom about this.

photo by Hobart

I went into my room and screamed into a pillow. I closed my eyes and dug my nails into their soft squishy covers. I clawed my face. Those are the cuts you guys asked about. I went into his room but didn't find him. The toilet flushed. I reached under his bed and grabbed it. I ran my fingers over the fat head. When he came out, I whacked him in the knee. As he fell, I smacked him in the ribs. A few snapped. I made him do sit-ups until he threw up all over his bloody shirt and passed out. I called 911, then you guys.

I sprinted over and asked Mr. Riley to take me to the mall. I told him Mom needed her medicine and Dad didn't want to leave her to come get it. Hadn't my brother just gotten his license? He was out cold, I said, and would be too groggy to drive. Mr. Riley laughed, said he also slept hard.

Mr. Riley circled the mall parking lots three times before I spotted our car. I touched each tire twice. I stood by the hood and bawled. I got on my knees and stuck a finger down my throat. Mr. Riley asked what in the hell was going on. I told him about my brother and said he'd better take me here. I don't think he believed me, but here I am. It's just like I told you guys.